It has become an unfortunate fact of life, that at some
point in our career, we will almost certainly suffer work related
stress. In my experience, it's one of the common themes that bring
people to counselling. It may not necessarily be the main issue, but
whatever the focus of our problems, there is often an impact on our
working life.
There are various aspects to how this manifests,
including relations with colleagues, authority issues, disciplinary
and bullying incidents, and the looming possible threat to income and
livelihood. There are also stresses from loss of work, unemployment,
redundancy and retirement. Work related stress begins to appear
practically unavoidable.
There is clearly much to explore, and counselling is a
safe place to unravel these issues, and may perhaps help us towards
finding reward and enjoyment in our career. What I'd like to do here
is make a few suggestions, based entirely on experience from personal
history, and from working with numerous individuals in a counselling
setting. As these are collective issues, I'd like to get to the
bare-bones, to look at what brings and binds them together.
Shaping our Identity
Meet someone new, and it's one of the first questions:
What do you do?
Our work seems to define us somehow;
I am a . . . . . . . . . . . . ?
Our job title can be a source of pride, of achievement,
or a reminder of career stagnation, and even a focus of
self-loathing. And there is also the very different question:
Am I a good .
. . . . . . . . . . ?
There are variations of this basic question: Should I be
doing, or could I have done better? Am I even in the right career?
What do my colleagues (really) think about me? I had a client
who checked into a hotel room with the intention of committing
suicide. He had discovered that the shining successful self-image
he'd firmly believed in, was not shared by those around him. Who
he'd seen as admiring friends were actually cautious and possibly
even resentful employees. A cornerstone of our concept of self is
work related, and for some it is the foundation stone.
What is it that I would
really like to do?
Authority
Most of us have to answer to someone in a “higher”
position; there is little room for democracy in corporate structure.
Increasingly, we are less ruled by people and more by regulations.
However carefully worded, rules deal with people in the abstract.
Around our working life, we have to “fit in” family, home and
social commitments, and very likely have little time left for a
certain someone.
Where do I fit in?
Will regulation keep me safe, or encase me?
Who's approval am I seeking?
Am I appreciated?
Recognised?
Abused?
Power corrupts. Or so the old saying goes, and history
continues piling up evidence in support. We have in fact had
authority figures since the very beginning: parents, teachers,
management and boss. This is an important question to consider:
Who truly holds power over me?
I'd guess that our personal quest for power begins when
we first grasp at objects: “Mine!” However it comes, holding
authority over others defines a power imbalance. This is an area
that counselling gets to grips with, beginning with the relationship
between counsellor and client. For communication to be open and
honest, do we need to talk as equals, person to person?
Relationships
A client came to therapy with multiple issues, but the
most immediate and pressing were around work. She was repeating a
cycle of stress build up, meltdown, and lengthening periods signed
off from her job. She began counselling shortly before needing to
return to work, and was already stressed at the prospect. What I
noticed was how much she smiled and made chirpy little quips about
her issues. I asked her how it was for her, keeping up a bright and
enthusiastic persona. Her features relaxed, slumped, and she
admitted how exhausting it was. She would always say yes to incoming
workloads, always work through lunch, and always work late or take
work home.
Am I good enough?
We are often with our workmates for considerably more
time than friends or even family members. How we relate within the
workplace is almost guaranteed therefore to go beyond purely
professional boundaries. We can form friendships and even romantic
connections, and can also find the one person we most revile, is
someone we have to work with, possibly for a big chunk of our lives.
My past career has seen me play all these parts and sometimes poorly.
It was always me who was in the right, of course, and the other
person most definitely in the wrong, wasn't it?
Is there a way through the work-maze?
It will be noticed that I have asked a series of
questions, rather than given theories or tips about the best thing to
do when faced with these problems. This is simply because I've never
found advising clients to be particularly useful in counselling, but
if you can find the right question, it can often lead to a deeper
understanding. I'd invite you to find some space to breathe and
relax, if only a few minutes, and answer each of the questions I've
posed with quiet honesty. With each honest answer, once more,
quietly allow whatever emotions to come up, and by that, I mean,
don't argue with yourself. You've done enough justifying or berating
yourself. You don't even have to put a name to it. Simply be with
what's there.
Without telling any story about it, what is this
feeling?
When we enquire with honesty, even into some of our most
deeply held ideas and beliefs, we can sometimes find that in
reality, they may actually be misleading at best, and taking us into
worry, anxiety and suffering. I'd suggest you actually write the
question down, changing the wording to find what applies most
directly to you, and then, in answer, to write only what you know is
true. Your first answer is probably not it, but we've got to start
somewhere.
Accepting that our work can inform much of how we define
ourselves; it can be both revealing and liberating to find how much
this defining process is also self-limiting. After years of
struggling, to finally realise that we do actually have choices is
wonderful, but it can leave us uncertain and even insecure. This is
again where counselling can be of great value, to help guide the way
into what may become a richly rewarding process.
A certain level of stress is accepted as being normal,
and sometimes as being useful. I'm not so sure about this.
Don't I need to get at least a little bit stressed, to
get me up and out to work on time?
For awhile in my last workplace, I was really feeling
the stress. I'd lost a key member of staff and it took six months to
fill the post, during which, every day was an uphill steepening
struggle. I'm truthfully and profoundly grateful for that
experience; it's exactly what I needed to make the choice that
changed my life in so many beautiful ways. I whole-heartedly
recommend that you look more deeply at your own feelings about your
work and career through life.
Let yourself be silently drawn
by the stronger pull
of what you really love.
- Rumi